Looking for Help with Aggressive Children?
Aggressive children usually start earlier in the toddler years during temper tantrums, but the behavior should disappear with the tantrum stage. However, for children diagnosed with a developmental disorder or disruptive behavior disorder, aggression may persist into adolescence. For children with a developmental disability, the techniques provided on the temper tantrum page for ways to say no without an argument can also work well for aggressive children that are unable to get a desired item or unable to do a desired activity. The transition strategies page and compliance strategies page provide good techniques for helping to avoid aggression in a child that is trying to avoid changing activities or that is trying to escape from a request you have made. There are also some aggressive children that are trying to get attention, in which the attention seeking behavior page would be helpful. When you have a child that is displaying frequent or severe aggression you will definitely want to seek outside help. Having a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) come and observe your exact situation to assess your aggressive child would be your best option for determining the best treatment interventions. However, there are also most likely services available in your area for a minimal fee that would be able to help. Aggression is a very serious behavior that should not be taken lightly. Especially when dealing with young aggressive children, it is your best opportunity to effectively intervene and hopefully eliminate future incidents when the child is older and much stronger. Identify Common Triggers You may start by identifying what are common triggers or things that are known to precede the behavior seen in aggressive children. If he or she becomes easily frustrated when trying to learn a new skill or when putting together a difficult puzzle, you would identify this as a trigger for your child’s aggression. There also may be some triggers for aggressive children that include things such as loud noises, crowded rooms, and physical touch. Once these triggers are recognized, be sure to create a list of them for all individuals to read and be aware of when working with the potentially aggressive child. This will help to minimize aggressive incidents due to someone merely not “knowing” that your child does not like to have his or her head touched. It would also be a good idea to avoid triggers as much as possible, until an aggressive child has established strong coping skills and alternative replacement behaviors for aggression. For triggers related to stimuli, such as loud noises, bright lights, and physical touch, a desensitization program or sensory integration therapy may be used to help the individual cope with the stimulus triggers. Along with identifying common triggers, it is important to self-monitor your own behavior as well as monitoring other caregivers, for things that may be triggers for the potentially aggressive children. Be aware of verbal and non-verbal body language that may cause your child to become angry and act out aggressively. Watch Your Nonverbal Language Some examples of non-verbal body language are things such as, crossing arms, rolling eyes, loud sighs, hovering, harsh tone of voice, and angry or annoyed facial expressions. Children are very perceptive to how a person projects oneself and even if what you are saying is not necessarily bad by itself, when accompanied by crossed arms, rolling eyes, and a loud sigh the words take a whole new meaning. Children can also be very sensitive to this type of non-verbal rejection and aggressive children usually respond negatively as a result. Teach Relaxation Techniques As behavior escalates, some parents find it very difficult to calm their child and are unsure of ways to do this. One way that I have found to be effective for caregivers and parents that correctly apply the technique is to work with their child on relaxation training through the use of music. This method involves daily practice of at least 10-15 minutes each day of listening to calm and soothing music, perhaps the same music that your child may listen to when falling asleep, while in a calm and relaxed state. You may need to gradually build the time to 10-15 minutes. This teaches your child what it means to relax, how it should feel, and how to become relaxed. Practicing relaxation techniques when already calm is an important component to this, as a child will be too upset to engage in the practices unless it is a behavior that has been already learned. Once your child is able to do the relaxation strategies while calm, he or she will be more likely to do them when prompted while upset. How to start Approach your child by saying, “Let’s relax!” or “Quiet time!” Then have your child sit comfortably, while listening to the music with the lights dimmed and no other distractions. If your child is able to imitate, prompt him or her to take some deep breaths, close the eyes, while saying to your child in a soft voice, “Good job relaxing.” every few minutes. For an older child you can simply talk to him or her about learning how to calm down and relax when upset and then practice listening to calming music while taking deep breaths. Your child should practice relaxing on a daily basis for at least a couple of weeks before prompting your child to relax when becoming upset. Then when your child starts to escalate into a melt down or aggressive behavior, simply turn the music on, while stating “It looks like you are getting angry. I think we need to calm down and relax, then we can work out the problem when you are calm.” This method will not always be available as you may not have access to music, but you can still prompt your child to take deep breaths and sit down. This also may not necessarily be suitable for all children. You may want to consider getting your child an MP3 player or other device that allows your child to use it when starting to get upset as a way to help de-escalate anywhere you are. Eventually, some aggressive children will even be able to verbally say, “I am getting upset, I need to calm down and go listen to my music.” instead of becoming aggressive. Always allow your child to do this and verbally praise your child for stating this in place of displaying other aggressive behavior. You may even prompt your child if you start to notice cues indicating he or she is getting upset, by stating do you need a break to listen to your music and take some deep breaths? Important PointsWhen getting upset, it can take up to 30 minutes for a child’s heart rate to decrease. So, give your child time and avoid doing or saying things that will further upset your child.Important things to remember are that if your child has been trying to get something or trying to do an activity you have said they can’t have or do, follow through on your word. Giving requested items or activities after aggressive behavior only reinforces it and tells your child that by becoming aggressive he or she will get wanted items/activities. Then, review the page with
ways to say no without an argument.
Also remember to follow through on requests when your child is calm that you have made prior to aggression. This is to avoid reinforcing the behavior by letting aggressive children avoid a request immediately after the inappropriate behavior. Then, be sure to review the page with
compliance strategies
for ways to gain compliance without aggression. Developmental Disorders Autism Spectrum DisorderAttention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Signs of ADHDBehavior Disorders Oppositional Defiant DisorderSensory Processing Disorders Tactile DefensivenessSchool Behavior Listening SkillsApplied Behavior Analysis Discrete Trial TrainingPrintable Behavior Charts More free behavior chartsBehavior Help Using social storiesWork at home jobs Virtual call center Jobs
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